Skip to main content

Let there be no light


She woke up from her limbo in absolute jet black darkness. She felt severe pain in her head and had difficulty with expressions on her face. Too tired to move she just lay there. A chill went up her spine. Only then it dawned on her that she was lying naked on a cold floor, as if in an ice container. She started to crawl on all four limbs, exploring the place with her sense of touch. Every tissue in her body was frost, going immobile. She dragged her body with all her strength to find an opening and get out into warmth and heat. At times she fell back gasping for breath but the will to survive made her go forth.  She sensed something soft like an organ- a human ear; she wanted to sense the rest of the body but it was all by itself; as if cut off from someone’s head. She wandered a bit further and fear crept in. There was more than one pair of human ears lying around. She shuddered and moved chaotically rolling over and crashing with things she realized to be hair wigs, human heads and tongues or may be spleen or pieces of liver. She was frenzied and kept rolling to get far away when at last she sensed something solid plastic and not soft. She hit the switch. A bulb glowed over her and she was seeing herself in the mirror. Her dark long hair was gone, replaced by  a big gap in her skull, she realized her nose wasn’t hers’ and there were stitches around it, her dark eyes were replaced with hazel ones and her ears, they were missing. She shrieked and collapsed.

Her organs were lying around in one of those heaps.


This post is written for BLOGESHWAR  and Anubhooti

Comments

Anonymous said…
Really scary story.. If you can put some more light like.. how she came to the current stage.. is she dreaming.. (Inception - Dream inside Dream) or ?
Sadiya Merchant said…
i know it was supposed to be scary but- lol! cudn help laughin :D
MuddassirShah said…
@sayedKhadri,
yeah I'd love to. But the point is I cannot accomodate that within 300 words. THis is my fourth or fifth 300 word fiction. I am trying to improve on the vocabulary so that I can be less verbose and convey more within 300 words.

But,
Didi you like it? was it scary at all?
Sarah malik said…
i read it twice and for once i was taken to my college anatomy lab:P
it didnt scare me much to be true, but it had that element of mystery attached..i wish u follow up this one some times, can be made into a very interesting story :)
all the best for blogeshwar!
MuddassirShah said…
@Sadiya,
:(, it is supposed to be a scary story and you are supposed to say "mummy, main dar gayi" and you laugh?? :P
Ok on a serious note, I thought you will gimme a critique on how to make it scary.
MuddassirShah said…
@Subtlescribbler,

I personally felt that this story is more gory and blood thirsty than scary . But as I said, this is an experiment with my writing skills.
I hope to improvise upon. After I posted this story I started having other ideas to make it actually scary, but then it is too late.

so how do you rate it on a scale of 5?
good attempt as it was restricted to 300 words and I also experimented with scary story.
MuddassirShah said…
Thanks Prathiba,
THanks for dropping by. :)
Yeah, I realise scary stories need to be verbose to bring in the effect.
Next time I write one, I ll keep that in mind :)
Anonymous said…
It is Scary.. I also tried to wrote a very small - scary story.. after reading your post..

http://sayedkhadri.wordpress.com/2010/12/03/very-small-scary-story/
MuddassirShah said…
@SayedKhadari,
THat is wat I'd call a scary story.
Amazing!!
But I am not able to comment on your blog post :(
Can you check out why?
Anonymous said…
Now you can comment..
Fatte said…
i don't know. it was more repulsive. But then repulsive is also a kind of scary. felt like some scene out of a torture movie like saw.
MuddassirShah said…
@prajnal,
Thanks for your honest words.
yeah I too feel it was repulsive and gory. I am experimenting with my writing skills and I found this as a good avenue to try out writing such serious stuff.

I will consider your inputs and I have already started feeling that I can write better scary stuff without making them Gory.

Please do read others post on my blog and gimme feedback.
It will help me improvise :)

Thanks again wholeheartedly,
Muddassir
Kant said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fatte said…
That's really brave of u to try differrent things. not everyone is confident enough to come out of their comfort zone. i should take some inspiration :)
And now that i have stumbled upon ur blog, bina poora padhe kaise ja sakte hain. i'll read 'em all :P

by the way,dude, u are good and within a day or two will come up with a story that'll scare the shit out of me :P:P
An absolutely chilling tale! Well deserved entry ..Good luck Mr. Shah :)
MuddassirShah said…
@pranjal,
I hope you enjoy reading posts on my blog :)
MuddassirShah said…
@shruthi,
I am glad you liked it thanks much :)
Sarah malik said…
hey! no its not too late..u can still come up with a sequel anytime. main thing is not the competition but the posts...
and writing in 300 words is quite a daunting task specially wen it comes to scary stuff so i would give u a 4 :D
sarah
Sarah malik said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
MuddassirShah said…
@Sarah,
thankoo so much :)
yes i ve been thinking about it. I ll try to write a full story on this promise, thanks to you.

By the way Ms Blogeshwari when is your post coming up??
OP said…
waiting for next 300 words of this story
Rinaya said…
yeah surely waiting for the next 300 words..
and it didn't do any good to me to read this right before dinner :( :P
but nice work indeed.. given the 300 words limit.
MuddassirShah said…
mummy :( I wanted a critique n ppl r saying nice things

Popular posts from this blog

COM Surrogate has stopped working

I started pessimistically with Windows vista and as my mom says, things go from bad to worse when you are pessimistic. Everything I to run on my vista laptop gets screwed up and the error? The one and only "COM SURROGATE HAS STOPPED WORKING" I did my bit of research on this topic and luckily didnt have to look far. The issue was with the NERO softwares on my system. The easiest solution was to uninstall Nero but, that is not an easy affair. So this is what i did : Rename the file C:\ProgramFiles\Common Files\Ahead\DSFilter\NeVideo. ax to NeVideo.ax.bak and NeVideoHD.ax to NeVideo.ax.bak  Please Note that these files are the root cause for the issue, so you can rename them any which you like it. Once renamed the issue is resolved and can have relief for a long time. Also note that this may be one of the reasons along DivX and other softwares. For a detailed solution read this article . If you like my post, you can   FAVE it here

Life of Pi

Have you read/watched Robinson Crusoe ? No? Cast Away (Starring Tom Hanks) at least? If you haven’t, do it. Both are wonderful and so is Life of Pi. Author : Yann Martel Time/era of story - 1960's-1970’s Type : Adventures Journal I wanted to read a sea adventure and that is when a friend of mine suggested me to read this book. This is a simple tell-tale about the survival of a 15 year old kid in sea for 227 days in a small life boat with some extra ordinary company of the wild animals – Richard Parker, a Tiger; a female Orangutan, a zebra and a Hyena. The book starts of detailing his life as the son of a zoo owner in Madras, his explorations and affiliation to Christianity and Islam. Then when his family plans to move to Canada, things go awry and a sad shipwreck afflicts killing them all. Piscine Patel or “PI” manages to escape in a small boat only to find out later that he has company, dangerous company – wild animals. From here on, it is struggle for the survival, surviv

Motives and Actions ...A short story

He entered the village limping; his entire weight supported by a wooden staff that appeared to be in a shape bettered by his own. The sun was retiring for the day and so were the peasants. Young kids returning from school and the children dirtied from the farm work were running around carefree. The police constable along with some young men was trying to force the children back to their home lest the kidnapper make an appearance and abduct the children. The kidnapper had terrorized the village for a few months now, holding children for ransom until defrayment.  No one had ever seen him and that made the matters worse. The police constable was under a lot of pressure to catch the kidnapper and he wanted to prove his worth. The constable had this hunch. Anyday now the kidnapper will make his move and the constable will catch him. The prize for the catch was more than the pride at stake. The reward money to bring in the Kidnapper was handsome plus a photo published in the local newspape

Tongue Twisters

Of late, I have been fascinated with tongue twisters. They are quite a challenge, at times they are stress busters or at times they may add the stress load. I have done my bit of look out and this is wat I found: Wikipedia states: "A tongue-twister is a phrase that is designed to be difficult to articulate properly. Tongue-twisters may rely on similar but distinct phonemes (e.g., s [s] and sh [ʃ]), unfamiliar constructs in loanwords , or other features of a language.The hardest tongue-twister in the English language (according to Guinness World Records ) is supposedly The sixth sick sheikh's sixth sheep's sick. William Poundstone claims that the hardest English tongue twister is "The seething sea ceaseth and thus the seething sea sufficeth us." [1] " I found these interesting, Betty Botter had some butter, "But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, It would make my batter bitter. But a bit of bet

Scope of RTI Act, India 2005

Thomas Jefferson, 3 rd President of USA(1801-09) and author of the Declaration of Independence says  “ A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine ”. A thought provoking statement with lot of depth to it. It just doesn’t talk of majority in the parliament but about all those wrong-doers who wish to grow their wealth at the expense of everyone else. Right to Information Act, was brought on the table and made a reality just to counter such elements of the society. RTI guarantees transparency of Information that is vital to its functioning and to contain corruption. In other words, it aids to hold governments and their instrumentalities accountable to the governed. We will try and understand more about the SCOPE of RTI, What information is accessible and what isn’t. SCOPE of RTI The following Governments, Organizations  and bodies are covered under RTI and are subject to it.   Central, State