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03 December, 2010

Let there be no light


She woke up from her limbo in absolute jet black darkness. She felt severe pain in her head and had difficulty with expressions on her face. Too tired to move she just lay there. A chill went up her spine. Only then it dawned on her that she was lying naked on a cold floor, as if in an ice container. She started to crawl on all four limbs, exploring the place with her sense of touch. Every tissue in her body was frost, going immobile. She dragged her body with all her strength to find an opening and get out into warmth and heat. At times she fell back gasping for breath but the will to survive made her go forth.  She sensed something soft like an organ- a human ear; she wanted to sense the rest of the body but it was all by itself; as if cut off from someone’s head. She wandered a bit further and fear crept in. There was more than one pair of human ears lying around. She shuddered and moved chaotically rolling over and crashing with things she realized to be hair wigs, human heads and tongues or may be spleen or pieces of liver. She was frenzied and kept rolling to get far away when at last she sensed something solid plastic and not soft. She hit the switch. A bulb glowed over her and she was seeing herself in the mirror. Her dark long hair was gone, replaced by  a big gap in her skull, she realized her nose wasn’t hers’ and there were stitches around it, her dark eyes were replaced with hazel ones and her ears, they were missing. She shrieked and collapsed.

Her organs were lying around in one of those heaps.


This post is written for BLOGESHWAR  and Anubhooti

25 OPINIONS:

sayedkhadri said...

Really scary story.. If you can put some more light like.. how she came to the current stage.. is she dreaming.. (Inception - Dream inside Dream) or ?

Sadiya Merchant said...

i know it was supposed to be scary but- lol! cudn help laughin :D

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

@sayedKhadri,
yeah I'd love to. But the point is I cannot accomodate that within 300 words. THis is my fourth or fifth 300 word fiction. I am trying to improve on the vocabulary so that I can be less verbose and convey more within 300 words.

But,
Didi you like it? was it scary at all?

subtlescribbler said...

i read it twice and for once i was taken to my college anatomy lab:P
it didnt scare me much to be true, but it had that element of mystery attached..i wish u follow up this one some times, can be made into a very interesting story :)
all the best for blogeshwar!

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

@Sadiya,
:(, it is supposed to be a scary story and you are supposed to say "mummy, main dar gayi" and you laugh?? :P
Ok on a serious note, I thought you will gimme a critique on how to make it scary.

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

@Subtlescribbler,

I personally felt that this story is more gory and blood thirsty than scary . But as I said, this is an experiment with my writing skills.
I hope to improvise upon. After I posted this story I started having other ideas to make it actually scary, but then it is too late.

so how do you rate it on a scale of 5?

Pratibha The Talent said...

good attempt as it was restricted to 300 words and I also experimented with scary story.

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

Thanks Prathiba,
THanks for dropping by. :)
Yeah, I realise scary stories need to be verbose to bring in the effect.
Next time I write one, I ll keep that in mind :)

sayedkhadri said...

It is Scary.. I also tried to wrote a very small - scary story.. after reading your post..

http://sayedkhadri.wordpress.com/2010/12/03/very-small-scary-story/

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

@SayedKhadari,
THat is wat I'd call a scary story.
Amazing!!
But I am not able to comment on your blog post :(
Can you check out why?

sayedkhadri said...

Now you can comment..

pranjal srivastava said...

i don't know. it was more repulsive. But then repulsive is also a kind of scary. felt like some scene out of a torture movie like saw.

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

@prajnal,
Thanks for your honest words.
yeah I too feel it was repulsive and gory. I am experimenting with my writing skills and I found this as a good avenue to try out writing such serious stuff.

I will consider your inputs and I have already started feeling that I can write better scary stuff without making them Gory.

Please do read others post on my blog and gimme feedback.
It will help me improvise :)

Thanks again wholeheartedly,
Muddassir

Kant said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pranjal srivastava said...

That's really brave of u to try differrent things. not everyone is confident enough to come out of their comfort zone. i should take some inspiration :)
And now that i have stumbled upon ur blog, bina poora padhe kaise ja sakte hain. i'll read 'em all :P

by the way,dude, u are good and within a day or two will come up with a story that'll scare the shit out of me :P:P

shruthi said...

An absolutely chilling tale! Well deserved entry ..Good luck Mr. Shah :)

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

@pranjal,
I hope you enjoy reading posts on my blog :)

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

@shruthi,
I am glad you liked it thanks much :)

subtlescribbler said...

hey! no its not too late..u can still come up with a sequel anytime. main thing is not the competition but the posts...
and writing in 300 words is quite a daunting task specially wen it comes to scary stuff so i would give u a 4 :D
sarah

subtlescribbler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Md. Muddassir Shah said...

@Sarah,
thankoo so much :)
yes i ve been thinking about it. I ll try to write a full story on this promise, thanks to you.

By the way Ms Blogeshwari when is your post coming up??

OP said...

waiting for next 300 words of this story

Rinaya said...

yeah surely waiting for the next 300 words..
and it didn't do any good to me to read this right before dinner :( :P
but nice work indeed.. given the 300 words limit.

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

mummy :( I wanted a critique n ppl r saying nice things

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